Mother Nature is a Green Eyed Slut.

So the last few days I've been eating as little as possible, like seriously nothing. A handful of chips one day to distract my friend, three bites of an apple as I left to apease my mom the next day and yet I'm staying the same. And I'm thinking to myslef WHAT THE FUH??? then today I got my period. AH I see, I'm not staying the same, I'm just fighting the massive bloat that comes along with mother natures little gift. Ugh! I wish I were fixed. oh well. I'm going to go to zumba tommorrow morning and I'll do a water fast starting tommorrow, maybe after my period is over and the bloat goes away I'll drop a bunch? Probably not but It's worth a shot. I'm so tired of being stuck at this weight. I need to try harder, and to work harder. clearly I'm just not doing enough, But i will be thin. I have to be thin! I want to be 130 by christmas. is that so much to ask? I think not. alright keep my in your thoughts my lovelies! Stay Strong! XOXOXO

Time Flies, If Only Fat Did Too...

Holy COW! Don't ask me where the last two weeks went, because I simply don't know. It's crazy to me how quickly they flew by! It feels like lots has happened, and yet so little actually has. Let's see if I can recap-
1) The test run of living with Chris went great! I adore him, I really truly do! I'm still hesitant about him paying all the bills but he insists because he says he'd pay them whether I lived there or not. We did come to a mini compromise and he's going to let me pay for internet because he wasn't planning on having it anyway, so I get to help with a mini bill and he gets to be all macho and take care of me yay! And, while it's tough to find time to blog with him around I think I'll manage. so yes YAY indeed.
2) Diet? FAAAAIL!!! I don't know what is wrong with me. Ever since this summer I haven't been able to stick to diets. I just don't understand. Luckily I've been staying in one spot, which is better than gaining I suppose.
3) Thanksgiving. I got to meet his family on Thansgiving and it was great! iI've already met his parents and siblings but now I've met the rest and it was super fun! Yay! But the day after I had to celibrate with my family which was hell. It's always the same around here. My sister pulls tons of shit and I get scolded. I'm so sick of it! funny how I always seem to end up hiding in a bathroon crying my eyes out over something my mom has said at the holidays. UGH! oh well I'm over that.
My time spent living with Chris [retty much distracted me from everything! it was wonderful! the last three days though i was sicker than I have been in a while, and he sayed by me and took care of me, he's so great! There is an upside to being sick though, I don't feel the urge to eat, like AT ALL. its great! and not that I'm back home not eating will be super easy! So I'm going to do some fasting till I get my appetite back, then I'm going to diet that appitite into oblivion, and then I won't have one and life will be good ;)
 I thnk I'm going to make a diets page on my blog to put all those diets i found plus a few others I've gathered. thoughts?
Well good night my lovelies!
I miss you!
Stay Strong For me!
 XOXOXOXO

Caroline Kettlewell Diet

The Caroline Kettlewell Diet:

Breakfast: Fat Free Yogurt (100 calories or less)
Lunch: 1 orange or Apple (80 calories)
Dinner: 3-10 bites of whatever your parents make you for dinner or anything 100 calories

Mkay so I'm starting this diet today and I'm pretty stoked cuz its all stuff we have in our house, and mom will not notice a thing. YAY!!!
 I have been doing zumba for an hour 3 times a week which is a plus :)

These next couple weeks are either going to be really easy or really difficult...
for several reasons-
1) I'm house sitting from the 14th till the 26th and Chris is going to be staying with me, it's going to be a practice run of living together, for which he will probably run screaming...
2) He is so excited for this test run, and wants to go grocery shopping and stuff, I'm hoping that since both of us are low on cash at the moment that won't happen, and that since we both work a ton we won't have much time for food
3) THANKSGIVING! ugh the holiday of food, and Ana Babies worst nightmare! :((( of course my family will be in town... guesse who's going to play sick? This girl!
4) My cell phone broke the other day, making it even harder for me to post! GRRR and i have to wait till the day after thanksgiving sale to get a new one :(

all in all its going to be difficult, the house I'm sitting is in boise 30 minutes away from my job and my house a crappy commute that is going to make life rough, especially since mom is going to expect me home often, but i really can't be because i have to take care of their dogs. ugh! wish me luck lovelies and the sitting and the diet. Hopefully the diet will be easy, it will be the only structure in this hectic time of year

Go For the Goals!

What a week I've been super busy, and constantly surrounded by people. Particularly my nosy and overbearing mother, who feels the need to make sure I've been eating, ugh. I hate eating. I hate the feeling of food in me. UGH. Also my mom is in college, and her computer was getting fixed, so I wiped my history and let her use mine, thank goodness she doesnt know how to see my blog, or my collection of thinspiration. that would be the last thing I need. dodged that bullet tho.

So, I've been seeing this guy Chris for a while, and I really love him.and he loves me, but I don't love me, and its making it really hard for me. I just don't understand why he would possibly want me. and why he loves me... I don't even want me... He wants me to move in with him, but I'm really not in a good financial place and he knows it, but he wants me to move in anyway and he wants to pay the bills. I just don't know if I'm okay with letting him take care of me, and me just living there...
Hmmm....

Mkay, minirant aside time for some real talk.
It's November, and I'd like to be down to 120lbs by spring, March 20, which is roughly 4 months away. thats 25ish lbs in 4 months. obviously I'd like to do this all sooner of course but this is the goal. I would then like to be down to 100lbs by the begining of summer, which is June 21st, so that would be 20lbs in 3 months. I can do this!

So far this month hasn't been so good as far as eating goes. most'y because I've been eating ugh. i have been working out a ton though! I've been doing zumba classes which I love :) I also found on a friends blog several GREAT diets that I will be working my way through ;} I'll be starting with the Caroline Kettlewell first :)

Sorry for this being such a random post I'll get better I promise
I'll put the link to her blog in the comments
Stay strong lovelies! XOXO

I'm Not Dead Yet...

I'm sorry I was MIA from July till not, but I'm back. and some things have happened so let's fill you in shall we?
1) I'm 21! wooo as of September 25th! yay
2) I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world, and we are working on moving in together
3) Home life is still shatty.
4) I've missed you all terrible much! and feel stronger just logging back in here!
5) I refound the blogger app and it works better now so I'll be able to blog on the go, and can stay discreet
* Now for some bad-ish news
6) since that week of house sitting in July my diet habits have been dreadful.
7) I have ate like shat. worst part is, I ATE =(
8) I did maintain my weight though by some miracle. So its not losing but it's better than gaining.

Mkay, so moral of the story is, I'm back and ready to get back on track and going again! Goodness this feels so good! I can't believe I've gone so long without this! I really needed this! not even gunna lie! I'm gunna try and post some pictures on the Thinspo page in the next couple of day! And of Course I'll keep you all posted on my journey!
p.s. I'm always looking for a good buddy email or texting ;)
Stay Strong Lovelies! I'm so glad to be back!!!!
XOXOXO