Failure is temporary, Giving up makes it permanent

SHAT! I was doing so great on my fast yesterday until I went to Doug's (my bf) after work. He surprised me by making me dinner. Sure it was very thoughtful but damn it ruined my fast. Then I promised to make him cookies and I had some of the cookie dough this morning! FUH! And what’s worse is that I then had a bowl of homemade mac and cheese. I am pretty upset with myself but that is all I’m eating for the day. Period end of story.

I had a fire put under my ass to get skinny today at work. It's kind of a long complicated story but I'll try to make it short and still make sense.

I've liked Doug since we started working together a while a few months ago. But at the time I was with someone and he was uninterested. Well then I was single and he and I started talking more, and we were close to dating but I started dating a different guy. and while dating this other guy Doug started talking to me more and more and telling me that I should leave the other guy for him and all this stuff. Well in the end the other guy didn’t work out, and now we're together.

BUT

While I was with that guy there is another gal that we work with that also liked Doug. Well she still likes him and it kind of bugs me a little. She’s tall and skinny, but fortunately for me she is a butterface. but while I was with the other guy Doug trying to make me feel guilty brought up that he could always sleep with her and me being prideful told him fine do it. And he did. It made me so insanely mad and jealous and just UGH!

But now he and I are together and happy but she still hangs around and asks to hook up with him, which I can't really blame her for he is pretty amazing in bed. But it still bothers me. And his ex was also a tall skinny gorgeous girl and I’m beginning to worry that he isn’t going to want to stick with a short fat ass like me.

Well,

the fire that was put under my ass besides the skinny bitch wanting my boyfriend’s junk is that while kind of venting about this situation with a coworker of mine (minus the worries about my fat ass) the coworker said well you know you’re not really his type, the other girl (he used her name) is much more like what he normally goes for.

That did it. I wanted to die. I still want to die. I never want to eat again. I want to be that skinny girl that he is proud to have on his arm and I want to prove everyone who thinks I’m not his type wrong. And I’m going to do it. Even if it kills me.