Welp as of this morning I weigh 143! WOOO! Just gotta keep going, I'd like to be in the 130 range for 4th of July, so keep your fingers crossed for me. I had a really hard time starting to fast last week, but it's been much easier this week, I restricted myself alot last week, and now I hardly feel hungry at all. Peppermint gum has been my savior, as well as water, and Monster Absolute Zero! Whenever I think I'm about to binge I chew some gum and tell myself to hold out till after work, or till I get home, and everytime I get to that mark I tell myself the craving is over, or guzzle a glass of water. and I must say it's working!
I really wanna be down to 140 or lower by this weekend. I'm house sitting and a bunch of friends that I haven't seen since high school are coming over, and I'd really like to look at least decent. The last time they say me senior year I was probably in the 150 range. Yikes right? I went to an arts school surounded by size 0 dancers. Life wasn't so great. Then I went to college and you got it gained the freshman 15, and the sophomore 5, I dunno if that's a real thing but I ended up a fucking fat cow! so I'd like to be smaller than the last time they saw me ya know? Especially since a couple of these boys are really very hott!
People have started noticing that I've lost weight, one girl at work told me I was looking good and that it was obvious that I lost alot, then backpeddled saying that I didn't need to lose much cuz I was already cute, blah blah same shat trying to make me "feel pretty" it didn't work, even her telling me I looked good didn't work. In the back of my mind Ana was there whispering "yeah right you won't look good untill you lose another 20lbs" and frankly I'm going to listen to Ana over the 40 year old lady at me work. No one has caught on to or even suspects about my friendship with Ana. My boss asked if I'd been working out and when I said yes he said he could tell. My mom said she was glad to see that I was eating healthy. I couldnt help but laugh. I had no idea that less that 300 calories a day was healthy. I havent told anyone about all of this, besides my blog. Not even my best friend. I'm afraid that if I tell some one they'll look at me and ask why I'm still fat. So mums the word. The las thing I need is "caring"(medeling) friends and family trying to "help" me.
You have no idea how much writing this helps. But I could always use an Ana buddy. Some one I could talk to when I'm about to binge, some one who could remind me that every step I take away from food is one step closer to being perfect! Some one that I could reach out to and help on there journey too! I'm a great listener and never judge. :] Feel free to email me if you're interested! Every little bit helps.
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