Ok, so I thought I'd tell y'all a Little bit about how I
found my friendship with Ana.
I've always had strange eating habits. Always trying the
latest diets, and going days without eating without really noticing, but then
I'd go crazy and binge eat for a while.
And through it all my best friend has always been able to
eat like a garbage disposal, do little to no physical activity and still
manages to stay skinny, Fucking Bitch. Every time I see her I feel fat and
disgusting and hate myself for being that "fat friend".
She's been going to college out of state so I don't see her
often, but we still talk all the time, and this fall she might move in and live
with my family and me. I'm so excited, I have a sister but she's 11 years older
than me and lives in another state so when Laynie moves in it will be like
having a sister for real! And I've always wanted to share clothes and all that
sisterly stuff, but I knew that wasn’t about to happen with me being at the
time 170 and her at 133. So I set out to lose 50lbs, thinking that because
she's a little taller than me I need to weigh less so that we can fit in the
same clothes.
The last time she visited she forgot a pair of jeans, I told
her and am going to give them to her next time she comes, but now they’re my
little inspiration sitting in the back of my dresser drawer. And every once in
a while I'll take them out and try them on. The first time I couldn’t even get
them up. It was horrifying! Well now I can pull them up nearly all the way! My
monstrous thighs suffocate but they're up AND I can button and zip them. Now
they don't fit but I still feel proud of how far I've come. Looking in the mirror
I still see myself as a fat ass, and I have a hard time believing what the
scale says. I don't feel like I'm losing but it says that I am. but trying on
these jeans, it's like proof that I am indeed shrinking, slowly, and I have a
fucking long ass way to go till I get to my UGW, but I am indeed getting
closer.
This is just part of the story. The Laynie chapter. I'll
fill you in on the John chapter next probably. I already told you enough of the
Doug chapter a few posts ago (the one with a fire under my fat ass). Then
there's the me chapter, which includes my "loving" family. I'm gunna
share some of my tips and tricks that I've found work best soon too. Probably
in between my lame ass stories. Stay strong girls! We can do it!
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