FUCK! I'm really irritated and pissed and just... FUUUUUCK!
I promised I'd fast yesterday, nope didn't happen. Today? nope didn't happen.
Both started well, they started fucking great, then fucking breaking points. Just FUCK! Fuck the world with a big stick, or the whole goddamn fucking tree. (kudos if you recognise that) Just FUH!
After family left I checked the scale. No I'm not telling. this morning I was a lil lower, but not enough. Just FUCK!
Then, the 4th of July I had an amazing time with three great guys two hott assholes and one hott nice guy. A hot nice guy that also kinda liked me. Could I let myself like him back OH NO! Cuz the other two were hotter so what does that mean? I was a fucking jerk to him, and now a fucking week later I'm thinking to myself GAWD you're a fucking idiot you should try and fix shit. but can I? NOPE! FUCK he's already hanging with another girl. cuz guys like him are hard to come by. FUCK! just FUCK! I always find a way to screw shit up. ALWAYS!
I always ruin things for myself. I got down to the lowest weight I've been then I gain weight. I meet a decent guy and I tell him to go jump in a lake. What the fuck is wrong with me? Maybe fat has some sort of evil power that makes me this crazy bitch? Maybe thats why everytime I get something good going for me I screw it up. just fuck it. fuk it all! I hate feeling so out of control. I want control. I want a perfect body!
I'm sorry for my lil tantrum...I promise I'll do better, and be better...
Think of me lovelies. Stay Strong. XOXOXO
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