Scale, Stress, and No Sex

So I made it on my three day fast! YES!
I did eat a little Friday and Saturday.
I've now gone 17 hours so far without eating.
I'm hoping I can turn today into a fasting day even though I wasn't planning on it.
I am going to do another three day fast this week, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday.
Thursday I have a date planned with my boyfriend which means food, but I'll "feel ill" so not much.

I have no clue what I weigh right now and it's stressing me out!
My scale hasn't been working properly.
I'll weigh myself 4 times in a row and each time I get a different reading.
AAAAAHHH!!!
What am I going to do?
I asked mom if we can get a new one, and she didn't seem keen on the idea.
Today we went and saw some friends and they all kept commenting on how "thin" I've gotten.
I think that made her worry.
But honestly I'm not thin. I've gone from a hippo, to a baby hippo perhaps.
But I am certainly not thin!

It's so frustrating.
One lady asked how much I've lost. I said "oh, some".
And she told me I don't need to loose any more.
I shrugged and said "we'll see"
She laughed thinking I was kidding.
They don't understand.
I NEED to lose the weight. then maybe I'll be happy and comfortable in my own skin.
I'm certainly not right now.

Chris and I have been having little problems. nothing major, but problems for sure.
We haven't had sex for about a week now, and he asked if it was his fault.
I have tried. And it's not his fault. I'm not good on picking up on his ridiculously subtle hints.
Apparently when he said "I'm going to change" after he got home from work that was my cue to follow him into to bedroom and jump him.
How was I supposed to know???
I told him it's not him, and it isn't.
Honestly I haven't felt particularly attractive lately.
And he's been in a piss poor mood.
And now he's playing the poor him card.
Acting like I don't wand him.
He wants me to be so much more aggressive then I am.
I worry that I'm not enough for him.
I'm terrified that he's going to get bored of me.
And now that I'm moving in with him everything is getting so much more real.
There's no turning back.
If we break up now it's going to be a nightmare trying to move out.
I just don't know.
I want to be so perfect for him.
I can't be that aggressive person in the bedroom if I don't feel confident and sexy.
I want to. But I just don't feel it.
Hopefully I can get out of my head and get over these winter blues and just be what he wants.
I was an actress in high school.
I'm going to play the part of confident girlfriend until I can truly be it.
Let's hope I'm as convincing as I think I can be.

Stay strong my loves! Think of me.
XOXOXO